• Get ready to get all the answers you need to get through your divorce with dignity and keep your mind, your money and your kids.

    I teach my clients that every divorce is actually three divorces in one. This is the place you can find the secrets to survive the three divorces: Legal, financial and emotional.

    My time tested and proven strategies will educate you, give you hope and ease your pain. I know you are frustrated, I know you have questions and I have answers because I have been there - three times! Read my story here.

  • Are You Addicted to Hope-ium?

    22 Jul 2014

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    Being a hopeful person is admirable. It is wonderful to be someone full of openness to the possibilities and hopeful that everything will work out for the best. I consider myself a positive person and that could be translated to being called hopeful, but putting all of your faith in hope can leave you addicted to hope-ium.

    Action favors the successful. Success is relative and doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. No matter your definition, action, more than hope, is the key. Action steps make the likelihood of what you are hoping for more of a reality than passively wishing for things to go the way you intend.

    Do you hope that you lose weight? Do you hope that things work out with the person you are at odds with? Do you hope that you get the job? Do you hope that you have enough money to last until the end of the month?

    In each of these scenarios hoping is great, in that it puts the issues at the forefront of your mind. It makes you aware of what you want. That is a great thing, but leaving it at that, is not going to make things magically happen. Casting your responsibility onto hope is like leaving your child unattended and believing things will all work out for the best. You can’t do that. It is irresponsible to think that the most effort you need to take to get a result is to hope that it happens.

    Being addicted to hope is sort of like a dysfunctional relationship. The hope serves you sometimes because of the odds. Odds are that some of the things you hope for, will work out without much effort, but the truth is, the bigger things may not. When things don’t work out, you blame the universe, God or hope, believing that you wanted it so badly and it didn’t materialize.

    If, after you set the goal or develop the hopefulness, you map out a plan and take action, the odds increase that you will see the result you are hoping for. As you take actions and succeed, you realize that hoping isn’t as key to your outcome as action is. This is true of most areas of life. If you hope to lose weight and you wait for some divine mind shift that diminishes your appetite and makes you crave physical exercise, you’re gonna stay fat. If you hope that you get the job, but make hardly any effort to stand out from the other prospects, chances are, you’re going to remain unemployed. Do you hope that your finances manage themselves and that you have enough money to last the month? If you haven’t paid attention to what money is coming in, how you are creating expenses and how you are spending, no amount of hope will keep you from being overdrawn.

    While I wholeheartedly endorse being an optimistic, ethereal, prayerful and hopeful person, I suggest that action accompany the notion that everything works out the way it is supposed to or for the best. I absolutely believe in a divine order, God’s plan and all of that, but I also believe in opportunity, free will and our responsibility to co-create what it is we say we want.

    Don’t let hope get a bad reputation. Take ownership of getting what you want from life. Break your hope-ium addiction and take action towards what you want.

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    Which Faydra Should I Feed?

    22 Jul 2014

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    Being alone ranks on the list of things that suck, somewhere just below having a full blown canker sore for a job interview as a lip stick model, but above discovering you have had a large piece of kale wedged in your teeth since lunch. The truth is, sometimes being alone is as glorious as finding a bathroom after traveling miles and miles in the desert with no rest stops or trees a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e  (this I know for a fact) and I am a huge advocate for the necessity to learn to do anything alone. Yes, anything- dinner and a movie, travel, sex, a holiday, shopping- anything.

    Having said that, there comes a time when being alone is, well….. lonely……. and despite the merit badge you earned from surviving Red Robin sitting in a booth eating a burger with your solitary head held high, you are bored stiff with your life.

    If you’re like me, you might hem and haw about things that you want to do, but think you shant because…. well, I am scared to navigate a boat up to a dock by myself, I am sort of afraid of being bitten, eaten or otherwise mauled by wildlife and I think it is just too weird for me to book a reservation for a romantic hot air balloon ride stag.  My inner Frantic Faydra, the pathetic version of me that throws pity parties for my lifestyle and invites the usual suspects over – Ben and Jerry, Cap’n Crunch, Luigi the pizza guy and that total bitch, Margarita, she has a way of convincing me that all the fun things I want to do require companionship. My inner Fabulous Faydra, the one who has eaten in nearly every fancy restaurant within a 200 mile radius of my hometown with no one to share a bottle of wine with, and lived to tell, says there is nothing I can’t do- with or without someone else.

    Who’s right?

    Whichever one I feed.

    If I give Frantic Faydra all the attention then I will be immersed in the painful aspects of my situation. I will focus only on what sucks about being alone and forbid myself from doing things I really want to do because I don’t have someone to do them with.

    If I give Fabulous Faydra all the attention then I will be immersed in possibility. I will focus on what I want to do on a daily basis and I will do it, with or without a companion and open myself up the possibilities that present themselves.

    You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to recognize that I choose to feed Fabulous Faydra, despite the fact that her appetite is far more expensive than Frantic Faydra. She is worth the investment. For example, one thing I have always wanted to do was take up photography. I have admired many of my friends on social media who are photographers and secretly wanted to be posting my own pics with my view on life. So, recently, I picked up a camera and started snapping away. One of the awesome things I discovered was photography created something for me to do, when I was out and about. All of a sudden, all the places I wanted to go, but felt too alone to go to, were perfectly appropriate to go to alone with my camera whom I call  Nik. What? You don’t name inanimate objects? Whatever……

    So, lately I have been out there snapping away and learning about photography and loving every solitary minute of it. Here are a few of my favorite pics that I have taken lately…..

    A photo of a cool train park in Northern California

    A photo of a cool train park in Northern California

     

     

     

     

     

    My hometown view on a hike in springtime

    My hometown view on a hike in springtime

    A little country church I found on a road trip

    A little country church I found on a road trip

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    I was out walking through the woods and realized that I had something to say about it all….

    If you are alone, you have two choices. You can be pitiful or you can be powerful. You can feel sorry for yourself and sit at home wasting your time or you can get out there and do the things you have always wanted to do. I mean, think of it- go where you want, when you want, eat what you want, where you want and never, ever have to compromise or negotiate any decision. There are way worse things than that.

    The things we do not like about being single are plenty. There is no doubt that there are many elements about the single life that suck BIG TIME, but you control how you feel about it. You control which version of your life you feed. If you are a control freak, this should be amazingly good news.

    Eat and be fed well~

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    Divorce Coaching Isn’t Marketing Rocket Science Unless You Reference Harry Potter

    16 Jul 2014

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    As a divorce Coach I am really confident about what I do. I know so much about the divorce process and the associated land mines that accompany it that I am like a defense against the dark arts professor in Muggle form. Like I really know my stuff. Like really, really. which is great for my clients.

    Now, when it comes to marketing, social media and SEO and all the techie stuff that goes with it, I am more like a throw-it-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks sort of girl. Like maybe the core of my wand is spaghetti or something.  I mean, I listen to podcasts, I attend webinars, I have business coaches and I take steps to become a better marketer all the time, but the truth is, what I am really good at is SOLVING PROBLEMS!

    Even some of my coaches tell me I am one of the smarter people that they work with, which totally makes me feel awesome but still hasn’t gotten me that ever allusive list that I hear about all the time. In marketer speak, a list is the key to the kingdom, it’s the golden snitch that all marketers are chasing on their social media brooms- Team Twitter Vs Team Face Book.

    What I do know is this and it comes from my heart. I am really good at what I do as any of my clients will tell you. I help people avoid needless pain. So much so, that I am expanding my brand and have created Doing Life With Faydra a lifestyle brand that tackles tough issues like shame, rejection and epic loss. My stuff isn’t for the namby pamby, people. it’s hard core, because sometimes life is a royal Beotch!

    So, my marketing idea is this. I want to connect with you. I want to know you and I want you to know me too. If you are suffering needlessly, let’s talk. If you are rocking your biz and want to introduce your tribe to someone who can literally change the way the are managing their shame, fear and disconnect. I.Am.Your.Girl.  Whether you need coaching or an amazing partner, I am like Snape, you’re gonna think I am dark and call you out on your crap, but the truth is I am the best person to have in your corner because I have a heart for your pain.

    Listen to this video and make a plan to call me July 17 any time between 10:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m. PST at 530-727-8982 and lets get down to it.

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    Open Phones With Faydra

    15 Jul 2014

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    My friend, Kelly McCausey gave me a really great idea. She found a way to connect with people who might have an interest in getting to know her better and I think it’s brilliant! She offers an opportunity to connect with her for FREE doing what she calls, open phones.

    When I heard that I thought, that’s perfect for me and all of the awesome people I want to connect with. People just like YOU!

    • Have you wondered how divorce coaching works, but were afraid to ask?
    • Have you wondered about my rebranding and what I am about to launch with Doing Life With Faydra?
    • Are you curious if I am as funny in real life as I seem on social media?
    • Have you wondered if there is a way to partner together and serve your clients?
    • Do you have interest in being a guest on my podcast?
    • Have you heard about Doing Life With Faydra and want to share your story of overcoming a tragedy?

    Call me and we can talk about anything. That’s right-

    A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G

    I’m holding my open phones on Thursday July 17th from 10 a.m.- 2 p.m. PST. All calls are first come, first served and due to the anticipated volume are scheduled for 15 minutes each.

    you can reach me at 530-727-8982

    I’m so excited to speak with you and I know we are going to have a great time getting to know one another.

    Mark your calendar for July 17th from 10 a.m- 2 p.m. and lets connect!

    Call me at this number! 530-727-8982

    I can’t wait to hear from you!!!

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    The Stupid, No Good, Rotten, Angry Divorce

    11 Jul 2014

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    99% of divorcing couples are super pissed at their ex. There are the rare few who are amicably taking care of their divorce business without animosity, but I often wonder how genuine that is and if there aren’t times that they are amicably binge eating Oreo’s and Ben and Jerry’s to numb the pain that they swear isn’t even there.  Divorce sucks and there are many aspects about it that make us angry.

    Anger in and of itself is an awesome emotion. It alerts us that something is not right. Anger is part of the fight or flight safety net that used to keep us from being eaten by a predator and now helps us avoid being walked on by metaphorical dinosaurs.

    The issues that present themselves during a divorce are HUGE. Issues like money, child custody (or animal custody), division of assets and debts is big stuff. I seriously recall fighting over a Weber BBQ grill during my first divorce…. You think petty, I thought it was too expensive to replace, oh and I was like 22 years old….

    Here is the argument I hear from clients all the time…. “I am so mad that he/she is won’t just agree to what I am asking.” “Why do they insist on not answering my questions or arguing with me over e-mail?” The answer is simple- They are pissed at you!!

    Whenever we are at odds with someone, we are not feeling inclined to do anything that will make their lives easier. When both parties in a divorce are operating out of their own best interest and taking any shot they can to prove their self-righteous anger, they are engaging in a no-win situation. The stock piling of slights, offenses and digs at one another takes its toll over time and all that is left is a stupid, no good, rotten, angry divorce scenario.

    I wish I had this book back in the divorce day. I didn’t though, and I had to learn all about releasing my anger in other ways. I often chose running in the rain and crying while envisioning a Fight Club-esque scene in my head where people were beaten to a pulp and I was the victorious woman I really wanted to be.  I also recall doing a ton of yard improvements and using pickaxes, shovels and other implements that required hard physical labor and exhausted my internal wounded divorcing diva so her chatter wasn’t so loud in my head.

    It took me longer than necessary to work through my anger and pain than it needed to and the good news for you is that this book is an amazing tool to help you deal with your anger and it is available NOW. Like you could even get it on Kindle and be reading it in a few moments.

    What I love about this book is that Chapman understands that some anger is understandable. He gets the fact that crappy stuff happens to good people and that the emotion of anger is appropriate and then he gives you tools to do the right thing with that anger.  Hello!!! can you say practical advice that works NOW!

    If you are mad as hell at your ex, chances are you are not making the best decisions right now. Chances are you are depressed, lonely, and steeping in a lot of unchecked emotions. As a coach I realize that sitting in our pain is important. It is the frustrations of this time that will lead you to want better for yourself and to push through the pain into the better life you want. So, from this perspective, the pain is a catalyst that is vital. From a personal perspective, being in pain is not fun. Not knowing what to do to alleviate the pain is what keeps us locked in to the anger. A book like this is a wonderful tool to understand what you are feeling and what to do about it.

    Grab yourself a copy of this book, an iced tea and get a grip on your anger and let go of what is holding you back. The sooner you can understand that anger has its place, the sooner you can stop being upset all of the time.

     

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